Your Relationship With Money: 20 Honest Questions (Worksheet)
These twenty questions are for seeing your relationship with money more clearly, not for fixing your finances. They suit anyone who thinks about money more than their situation seems to call for, in either direction. One question takes a minute or two. The whole worksheet takes about half an hour, or a week at one question a day.
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This is about your relationship with money, not financial advice.
How to use these questions
One at a time. Read one, answer it, stop. The next one will still be there tomorrow.
Write one sentence, not a paragraph. A sentence is harder to hide in. If you catch yourself explaining, the true thing is usually already in the first clause.
No scoring. There is no correct relationship with money to measure yours against. The point is to see it, not to grade it.
It is fine to skip. If a question stings, write "this one stung" next to it and move on. That is an answer too.
Print this page, or copy the questions into a notebook with a blank line under each. The blank line is the worksheet.
The four groups follow the way we sort money thoughts in the Money month of YOUR YEAR: circumstances, questions, feelings, and choices. Most money worry is a tangle of all four pretending to be one thing. "We can't afford it" might be a circumstance. It might be a feeling sitting on top of a question you have not asked yet. Pulling the piles apart does not change the balance. It changes how much of your attention the balance gets to take.
Circumstances: what is actually true right now
Circumstances are facts. Not what they mean, not how you feel about them, just what is there. This is often the hardest group, because most of us have a money fact or two we have decided not to look at directly. You are not being asked to fix any of it. Only to say it in a sentence.
What did you buy this week without thinking about it, and what did you buy after thinking about it for days?
When did you last look at your account balance, and what made you look?
Who in your life knows roughly what you earn, and who have you made sure does not?
What money conversation happened in your home growing up, and which one never happened?
What is one money situation in your life right now that you have been calling "fine" without checking?
If you answered only one of these, you have already done something most of us avoid for years. You can stop here if you want to.
Questions: what you keep asking yourself
These are the questions underneath the worry. They tend to run at night, on a loop, and never get written down, which is how they keep their power. Writing one down does not answer it. It does turn it into a question instead of a weather system.
What question about money do you ask yourself at night that you would never ask out loud?
Whose financial life do you compare yours to, and how did that person get chosen?
What do you think would change about you if you had noticeably more? Noticeably less?
What are you waiting to find out before you let yourself feel settled?
What would you ask a wise, kind friend about money if you knew they would not think less of you?
A note on question 9. Many people find that the thing they are waiting for is not a number. It is a feeling they expect a number to deliver, and the number keeps not delivering it.
Feelings: what shows up before the thinking
Feelings about money arrive faster than thoughts. The flinch at the envelope. The small heat when someone else reaches for the check. These questions are about catching the feeling before the explanation arrives to cover it. Name it in one word if a sentence is too much.
What is the first feeling that shows up when a bill arrives, before you have read the amount?
When did you last feel proud about money, and did you tell anyone?
What purchase do you still feel bad about, and what did it actually cost you?
When someone pays for you, what do you feel in the first five seconds?
What does "enough" feel like in your body, if you have ever felt it?
If question 15 draws a blank, that is information. Plenty of people have never felt it, at any amount, and have assumed the problem was the amount.
Choices: what is yours to decide
Choices are the smallest pile and the only one that moves. Not big choices. One small money choice that is yours: not inherited from your family, not expected by your friends, not a reaction to last month. Seeing a choice is different from making one, and seeing comes first.
What is one thing you say no to with money that you would like to say yes to?
What is one thing you keep paying for that you have stopped using, and why is it still there?
What money decision are you making this month by not making it?
If you could make one money conversation easier this month, who would it be with, and what is the first sentence?
What is one small money choice this week that would be yours, not inherited and not expected?
You do not have to act on any of these. A choice you can see is already different from a choice you are avoiding.
If you only have five minutes
Start with these three. They cover three of the four piles, and the fourth tends to show up on its own.
Question 5. What is one money situation you have been calling "fine" without checking?
Question 11. What is the first feeling that shows up when a bill arrives, before you have read the amount?
Question 18. What money decision are you making this month by not making it?
One sentence each. Then close the notebook. That counts.
A small practice to go with them
The Four Piles. Five minutes, one money thought, four boxes.
Take one money thought that has been circling lately. Write it in one plain sentence. For example: "We should not have booked the trip."
Draw four boxes on the page and label them Circumstance, Question, Feeling, Choice.
Ask which box the sentence mostly belongs in. Be honest. "We should not have booked the trip" is rarely a circumstance. It is usually a feeling (regret, or fear) sitting on top of a question (will this cost us something later?) sitting on top of a choice (do I talk with my partner about how we decide these things?).
Write one line in each box that applies. Leave the others empty.
Close the page. Nothing has to happen next.
Here is a composite example, drawn from many conversations and changed enough that it is no one in particular. A woman in her thirties wrote "I'm bad with money" in the Circumstance box, then crossed it out, because it is not a circumstance. It is a verdict. The circumstance, once she looked, was "I paid a late fee twice this year." The feeling was shame. The question was "does this mean I will always be like this?" The choice was "stop calling it a character flaw and call it two late fees." She said the sentence had felt like a fact for fifteen years and took four minutes to come apart.
You can stop here. No new goal, no purchase, no sharing required.
When this is not enough
Money worry is often the shape that other worry takes. If the thoughts are constant, if they are keeping you up, or if shame about money has become shame about yourself, that deserves a conversation with a person, not a worksheet.
This is a reflection practice, not medical care or therapy. If things have been heavy for weeks, please talk with a doctor or a licensed therapist. In the US, you can call 988 or text 988 at any time.
Questions people ask
What is a relationship with money?
It is the set of feelings, rules, and habits you bring to money, most of them learned before you earned any. It shows up in how you spend, what you avoid, what you hide, and whom you compare yourself to. Two people with the same balance can have very different relationships with it. The questions above are a way of seeing yours without grading it.
How do I figure out my relationship with money?
Catch it in small moments rather than analyzing it in the abstract. Notice the first feeling when a bill arrives, who you hide your income from, what you keep paying for and why. Write one sentence for each. Patterns show up quickly once they are on paper, and they are easier to look at there than they were in your head.
Is there a worksheet for relationship with money?
Yes. The twenty questions on this page are the worksheet: four groups of five, one line of writing under each, no scoring. Print the page or copy the questions into a notebook with a blank line under each one. Use your browser’s print option to save a PDF without email.
A relationship with money is not fixed by a better number. It gets clearer when you sort what is true from what you keep asking, and what you feel from what you can choose. Twenty questions, one sentence each, no scoring. The balance stays the same. What it takes from your attention does not have to.
Take these with you
Use “Print or save as PDF” above to keep these questions. No email is required.
Start with what is on your mind. The Energy Map asks five short questions and gives you a personal reflection and one small practice. Free, no email, no account. Try the Energy Map. This month's theme: Money: A Clearer Relationship With Money.
Anna Smirnova is the author and facilitator of YOUR YEAR at Wonder Bend: twelve monthly themes, written reflections, small practices, and group reflection sessions. About Anna. Published . Updated .
