May in YOUR YEAR is about wanting: the small preferences that tell you what you like, and the way they go quiet when life is full. For four weeks you let one preference count at a time. It is not a search for your passion, not a hobby plan, and not a verdict on the life you have.
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Why this theme comes up
"Desire" sounds bigger than what this month is about. In practice it is the quietest theme of the year. People arrive with a sentence like "I don't know what I like anymore," and they say it a little embarrassed, as if a grown adult should know. In the groups I facilitate, it is one of the most common sentences there is. Here is where it usually comes from.
"Whatever's easy" became the answer. Someone asks what you want for dinner. Where you want to go. What you feel like doing on Saturday. The honest answer is that you do not know, so you say "whatever's easy" and let someone else choose. Each time, it costs nothing. Over years, it costs the muscle.
Wanting feels like a luxury. Other people need things. The kids, the team, the parent with the appointments. Your preference goes last, then gets dropped, then stops showing up at all. You are not being noble. You are being practical. And practical, repeated long enough, sounds exactly like not wanting anything.
Every interest had to earn its keep. The thing you liked became a side business, or a self-improvement item, or a way to be useful to someone. The bread had to be photographed. The running had to be tracked. An interest that was allowed to be pointless got rarer every year, until liking something and being good at it turned into the same question.
Flat is not the same as empty. After a long stretch of running on "should," nothing lights up. Not because nothing is good, but because the part of you that notices has been off duty. Flatness like this is common, and it is usually a sign of depletion rather than a verdict. If it has lasted for weeks and touches everything, that is worth a professional conversation, and the pages further down can help you tell the difference.
You chose the sensible option so many times that the other option stopped speaking up. The practical job, the reasonable neighborhood, the vacation that works for everyone. These were good choices. They were also, every time, a small "no" to something you never named. This month is about hearing it again, quietly, without having to act on it.
Here is a composite example, drawn from many conversations and changed enough that it is no one in particular. A woman in one of the groups, asked what she liked, said, "I like when things are done." Everyone laughed, including her, and then no one could think of anything else. It took her two weeks to say, "I like the smell of the hardware store." The next Saturday she went to one with no list. She bought nothing. She walked the aisles for twenty minutes and drove home. She said it was the first thing she had done in a year that was not for anyone.
What this month is not
It is not a search for your passion, your calling, or your purpose. Those are bigger words than this month needs, and the Purpose month in October has its own room for them. May is about something smaller and closer: the blue mug over the white one, the window seat, the long way home.
It is not a hobby plan. You will not be asked to pick up an instrument, join a class, or build a list of interests. If a hobby turns up on its own, fine, and if it turns up and you let it go again, that is fine too. The month works just as well if the only preference you find is which chair you like.
It is not a diagnosis. Not knowing what you like is common, especially after a long stretch of caring for others or working hard. But if nothing has interested you for weeks and the flatness is affecting sleep, work, or relationships, that deserves a conversation with a doctor or a licensed therapist. If this sounds like depression to you, that is worth a conversation with a professional.
It is not a plan for a new life. No one here is going to suggest you quit your job and open a bakery. You can join any month, catching up is optional, and you can skip any week or practice that does not fit. Nothing here needs to be completed.
The path: Notice, Understand, Try, ReflectNoticeUnderstandTryReflect
Every theme in YOUR YEAR follows the same four steps. Each takes about a week, and the order matters less than it looks. If you only ever do the first one, you have still done the month. Here is what the steps look like when the theme is desire, in the plain sense of what you prefer.
Notice
Mini-practice: for one week, write down one thing a day that you preferred. Tiny is right. The blue mug over the white one. The window seat on the bus. Silence instead of the radio. Do not ask whether it matters. Just catch it and write it down. You can stop here. No new goal, no purchase, no sharing required.
Understand
Read your seven preferences. Mini-practice: look for what they have in common. Quiet? Being outside? Something to do with your hands? Being alone, or being with one person? Then ask one question: when did I last act on one of these without needing a reason? Write the answer in a sentence. You can stop here.
Try
Mini-practice: let one preference count. Once. Order the thing you actually want, not the easy thing. Take the long way because it has trees. Sit in the chair you like. Notice the voice that shows up ("that's silly," "there's no time," "who cares") and write down what it says. The voice is information, not a verdict. You can stop here.
Reflect
Mini-practice: at the end of the month, finish this sentence: "This month I noticed that I like… and I usually talk myself out of it by…" Keep it somewhere you will find it again. You can stop here. No new goal, no purchase, no sharing required.
Four weeks, eight reflections
The month is built on eight short written reflections, two a week, in the same style as the Talents reflections: a few hundred words, one idea, one small thing to try. Published as the month approaches.
Week 1A: "Whatever's easy" is an answer. What it protects, and what it costs over years.
Week 1B: The blue mug. How small a preference can be and still count.
Week 2A: An interest does not have to earn its keep. What happens to liking things when everything has to be useful.
Week 2B: Flat is not the same as empty. Why nothing excites you, and why that is not a verdict.
Week 3A: The long way home. Letting one preference count on an ordinary Tuesday.
Week 3B: "That's silly." The voice that shows up when you want something, and where it came from.
Week 4A: What you liked before you were useful. A look back, without nostalgia.
Week 4B: Let one thing count, then another. What to carry into June.
Questions for this month
These are the questions the month keeps returning to. Take one at a time, on a day when you have five minutes and a pen. Write one sentence, not a paragraph. There is no score, and it is fine to skip any of them.
What did you choose today because it was easy, and what did you actually want?
When someone asks what you want, what do you usually say, and is it true?
What did you like at twelve that you have not done in years?
What are you drawn to in a store, on a street, on a screen, right before you talk yourself out of it?
Which small preference did you give up so long ago that you forgot it was yours?
What would you do with an unplanned afternoon if no one would ever know?
What do you call "a waste of time" that you secretly enjoy?
When did you last feel pulled toward something, even faintly?
What have you been calling "practical" that is really "safe"?
What is one preference you could let count this week?
Some people arrive at this theme curious. Many arrive because something has gone flat: the things that used to be fun are not, the weekend is a blank, and "what do you want?" has become a question with no answer. When that is the case, start with the page that sounds most like your own sentence, not with the month. If the sentence is "nothing excites me anymore," that page looks at flatness, burnout, and when it might be something more. If you are feeling disconnected from yourself, that page has five everyday causes and a ten-minute practice. And if what you want is to feel alive again without blowing up your life, that page is about the small version of that.
This is a reflection practice, not medical care or therapy. If things have been heavy for weeks, please talk with a doctor or a licensed therapist. In the US, you can call 988 or text 988 at any time.
Questions people ask
Why don't I know what I like anymore?
Usually because you have not been asked in a while, including by yourself. Preferences are quiet, and they get quieter when every choice is practical, every interest has to be useful, and other people's needs come first for years. Nothing is broken. The muscle is out of practice. The Notice step above, one small preference a day, is the plainest way to start using it again.
How do I find hobbies as an adult when nothing sounds interesting?
Do not start with hobbies. Start smaller, with preferences that have nothing to do with activity: a chair, a street, a sound, a smell. Hobbies grow from those, if they grow at all, and an interest does not need a business plan. If nothing at all sounds interesting and that has lasted for weeks, mention it to a doctor. Flatness that touches everything is worth a professional conversation.
Is wanting things selfish?
Wanting is not the same as taking. Knowing that you prefer the window seat does not deprive anyone of anything. Most people who worry about being selfish are nowhere near it. They are the ones who have said "whatever's easy" for a decade. Letting one preference count a week is a small correction, not a change of character. You can stop at any time.
The Desire month is a four-week look at what you prefer, starting as small as a mug, and at the voice that talks you out of it. One practice a week, one honest sentence at the end. No passion to find, no hobby to pick, no verdict on your life. Just one preference, allowed to count.
Go further this month
YOUR YEAR has three levels, and you can stay on the free one for as long as you like.
Explorer is free. It includes the Energy Map, written reflections, and mini rituals.
Member is $49/month. It adds the monthly path, your Personal Map, and the published materials for each theme.
Guided is $175/month total. It includes Member and adds two live group sessions per month, 60–75 minutes each. The sessions are a group reflection practice, not therapy.
Paid enrollment is not yet open. Billing is monthly, with no annual obligation. You can see the full comparison at YOUR YEAR and the three levels.
Start here
Start with what is on your mind. The Energy Map asks five short questions and gives you a personal reflection and one small practice. Free, no email, no account. Try the Energy Map. This month's theme: Desire: Let a Preference Count.
Anna Smirnova is the author and facilitator of YOUR YEAR at Wonder Bend: twelve monthly themes, written reflections, small practices, and group reflection sessions. About Anna. Published . Updated .
